I’ve always wanted a daughter. Sure, baby girl clothes are adorable, and how fun is it to dress them in tutus and ballet flats?! But it goes deeper than that. I lost my mom when I just 8-years-old, so I never got to experience a deep mother-daughter relationship. Growing up, it was by far the most difficult thing I dealt with, especially during puberty and as I fell in love and had my heart broken for the first time. I just wanted my mom.
When we went to the doctor yesterday, I was nervous. As we prepared to walk from the car to the office building, my hands started to sweat. I just wanted to get in there and make sure everything was okay, and of course, I was excited to find out what I was carrying – a little boy or a little girl. As I laid down on the table, my nerves relaxed. And with the first glimpse of our baby’s profile, I felt so much better. When the sonographer said “I see three little white lines,” I had no idea what she was talking about. I’d never heard of the “hamburger sign” before. So I stared at her, completely puzzled. She smiled and said “It’s a girl!” and I started to cry. I’m going to be a mom to a little girl! I’m carrying the daughter I always wanted.
Baby Girl was not being entirely cooperative. She was curled up in a tight little ball, legs pulled up to her face, straightened out, and with her ankles crossed. Modest already! I watched as she flexed her long fingers and grabbed the toes on her foot. It was unbelievable, one of the most exciting moments of my entire life.
We have to go back next week. Because she was so tightly curled up, the sonographer couldn’t get enough pictures or measurements. They tried having me lay on each side for a bit, shaking my belly gently to get her to move, but no luck. They asked me to come back on the 14th (also our wedding anniversary), and to have something sweet beforehand to encourage her to move around. Gladly! Sweet Frog, here I come!
As I think about raising a daughter, I’m filled with so much hope. Of course I most want her to be healthy and happy, but I have so many other wishes for her. I want her to have fun, to be innocent, to play to her heart’s content. I want her to aspire to be whatever makes her happy. I want her to find love, no matter whether it’s with a man or a woman. I want her to be kind, loving and brave. I want her to do good things for others, but not be afraid to put her needs first. I want her to be strong and witty and never afraid to take chances. I want her to have a childhood filled with fun memories and lots of hugs. Mostly, I want her to know that she’s loved and wanted by us, and that she will always be the most important thing to me. And even though she’ll never get to meet her grandmother or grandfather, I want her to know that they would have loved her immensely. She would have been so precious to them. She’s already the most precious thing to me.